Shattered dream of cultivation practice

16 Jun

My name is Zhang Wenhong. In the past, I was so bewitched by Falun Gong that I couldn’t extricate myself. In order to practice Falun Gong, I tried to keep away from my child and husband and finally I got divorced; in order to protect, I took part in mobbing the office of Chengdu Business Morning Post; in order to seek “Consummation” and “Ascension,” I went twice to Beijing to protect the Fa. I dreamed to “ascend” to enjoy the glory and splendid life in “Heaven.” I devoted myself to Falun Gong, but when I looked back, I realized it’s totally a fool’s daydream.

“Fairy tale” – I love fairy tales since my childhood. The Elvens and fairies are so beautiful that I envy them and dream of being one of them one day. As I grew up, I went to school, then began to work, then got married and gave birth to baby. The dream once faded from my memory for the busy life. However, it was not until the end of 1980s that I got more free time to enjoy myself. It was just in such period that Qigong got popular all over China and I then got obsessed with the breathing exercise. In the first five years of 1990s, I learnt Wild Goose (Dayan) Qigong, Zhong Gong, Yang-style Tai Chi, and so on. But I still felt they were too far away from my “fairy dream.”

“Love at the first sight” – On a Sunday morning in the summer of 1996, I went to Chengdu Natatorium, Sichuan Province. When I passed its gate, I found lots of people sitting cross-legged on the groud with their eyes closed. Out of curiosity I sat down and practiced as they did. When the music stopped, I opened my eyes and asked the woman beside me about the name of this exercise. She told me it’s called Falun Gong, then gave me a book named Zhuan Falun to study at home. After I went back home, I read it through quickly. Wow! Li Hongzhi would help me to be a fairy if I practiced it. It’s fantastic! It seemed my dream would come true soon.

“Totally bewitched” – Since then I made up my mind: I should read Zhuan Falun to the best of my abilities and I’d better recite it and make it my guide. If I do as Li Hongzhi ordered, I could definitely be immortal. I did so. During these 11 years, I cared nothing but Zhuan Falun; I prevented myself from watching TV and reading newspapers, to say nothing of travelling and card-playing. In order to have more time to study Fa and practice Gong, in 1997, I found a job in Wenjiang Huaheng Hotel, which provided all meals and the shuttle between home and work. I seldom returned home to look after my child. After work, I spent all my time doing Falun Gong practice. Every morning I went to the practice site and then took the shuttle to the hotel. I usually sat on the corner of last row so that I could make use of the 50 to 60 minutes to read Zhuan Falun on my way to hotel, ignoring the jolt of the bus and the noisy talks among the fellows. After lunch, I always hurried back to my room to read Zhuan Falun or practice Gong. My roommate laughed at me saying I was obsessed (I thought she was praising me at that time). In the afternoon, when I finished my work, I always hurried to the dining hall to have supper, then I took the bus to the practice site, also sat on the corner of last row to read Zhuan Falun on the way, then went home. Even before sleep, I still spent an hour studying Fa. In this way my life was reduced to as simple as going between three points, the dormitory, the practice site and the workplace. This life lasted for years. My soul was totally controlled by Falun Gong and Li Hongzhi.

“Stuck in the middle” – I gave my heart and soul to Zhuan Falun completely, so nothing around me could interest me though I stayed in the busy areas, and lived a thriftily city life with to-and-fro vehicles and people. I tried to be away from the family and the friends. Sometimes I regarded them as a heavy burden. Eventually there came the crisis in my relationship with my parents, sisters and brothers. In 1999, my husband couldn’t stand anymore and wanted to divorce. I agreed with him without any hesitation.

In 1999, the government banned Falun Gong, but I didn’t make any change, because I still did the daydream to become Buddha or fairy, and believed firmly the Consummation Li Hongzhi had promised. And I got on the train to Beijing to “protect Fa” with other Falun Gong practicers at the end of October 1999… Later, I was sent back by the policemen in Shahebao Police Station. I told them I won’t take part in the riot seemingly, but I did not give up. I quitted my job and then went to Beijing alone to “protect Fa” in December 1999. Because of my illegal actions, I was sentenced to 18 months imprisonment. In the jail, I refused to accept any help and persuasion from the wardress, and I acted as the leading role on the hunger strike and the practice…

“Look back” – It’s painful to get rid of Falun Gong. When I looked back I found I got nothing for reward. Now, I have to admit that all the people are ordinary and Li Hongzhi is no exception, so he is not a god, and doesn’t have any magic power. And practicing Falun Gong doesn’t help, either. Anyone who sank into Li Hongzhi’s fairy tale would be the next victim controlled by the cult.

Fortunately my daydream is over and I have returned to what I should be as a normal human being.

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